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Here I am! Just thought I would type up on a topic so I could get my writing in for the week, I haven't done my daily doses as I planned, not surprising though! ha. So today I will discuss a little bit of how hard it is to care for an aging mother and being an only child.

I am an only child, God did this on purpose for his own reasons, I may not think it's fair, but I have to deal with that. My Mom is 71. She had me when she was 36. I am 35. On my next birthday I will be half of her age. Or really, I'll just be as old as she was when she had me.
So, as I mentioned, she is 71. Which is aging, but not so "old".  My Mom has some mental issues or come to find out, maybe not mental issues, but a form of asperger's (need to check my spelling here) . She is a high functioning autistic person. If  I knew this a long time ago, maybe I could have dealt with a lot of things differently. I didn't even know what autism was until I became a preschool teacher and one of my students was diagnosed. Well, my students dx was discovered about 25 years after becoming my mothers daughter.

All along doctors said my Mom was bi-polar. Grandma told me close to when she dies that she was not entirely convinced that my mom, her child was mentally ill. She thought maybe she was autistic. I am so glad she opened her mouth and said that before she died or I would go to my grave thinking my Mom was something she was not. This was about 5 years ago. (more to the story) My Mom makes me Cookoo crazy!!! She has been living with us for the past 12 years. I was pregnant with my 2nd child when I was finally able to accept the fact that my mother would never be able to hold a job or live on her own., and not be homeless under a bridge, literally. She was living in a women's shelter when we made the decision to co-habitate. I do make sure others know we co-habitate and that "we don't live with my mom" To me it's so important to make sure that others know that. I guess I care what they think too much, or I don't want to share with them the stories from a hurtful and shameful past. What do they need to know? Well, turns out they are going to know very soon. I have to share these things, for my own mental health and so my kids can know, maybe it will help someone else feel like they are not alone, or I can find someone who has been through a similar situation.  Maybe So I can make excuses for my poor and intolerant behavior.  So far I can only identify with some of the families and children of people on the show "Hoarders". But I can only watch them on TV, I wish I could talk to them in person..... Anyway, dropping this here for now so I can collect more organized thoughts before I open the can of worms.

I get distracted and I feel unorganized by expressing the timeline of these happenings, it is so compicated and multifaceted that I just don't have the time to crack open each point.

This should get my brain going....till next time.

Rainy Day

It rained all day today. Not hard, but a steady drizzle. I Had a good day at work with the little growing people/three year olds. Jesse Jr had a good day in nursery school. Emma had a long day in homeschool today, sometimes that can happen. Maya had a long 12 hour day in public with sectionals and all. Mom slept all day. Jesse Sr had a good day, he doesn't like to drive in the rain, me either. Dinner was from Wendy's. It basically sucked ,but thank you God for food to eat. I'm excited tomorrow is Thursday and I have the day off!
Our show is about to come on, Alaskan Bush People, season finale :(

Crazy Shopping Experience

Maya asked me to blog about my most crazy shopping experience. I guess that would be the time I went to the new Wal-Mart neighborhood market in Spring Branch.I just left work from the Mothers Day Out program called Growing God's Way at SWBC. I had both girls in tow, Emma was 1 and Maya was 4. We got out of the van and went in to cash my payroll check.  It was about $62.  Not bad for two days per week and having two toddlers in the program.  This was our grocery money for the next 2 weeks so I was loading up.  The two toddlers and myself went shopping.  Got out to the van, buckled everyone back up  in their car seat and headed home.
Something didn't feel right, like I left something unfinished, I had already driven about a block away when it occurred to me that I had not loaded my groceries into the van!! So I immediately busted a U-ey and sped back to the place I had parked. My stomach sank, the basket was gone!
Oh no, all of the possibilities went through my mind. Someone stole them, someone needed them more than me, someone turned them in....Oh no, I have absolutely no way of feeding my family if someone had actually taken them. Please God, help me!
I unbuckled the girls once again to go into the grocery store, in shock, holding their small hands and  praying out loud for the groceries to be returned to my family.
How could I have let this happen? Where was my mind? What was I thinking? My family is counting on me and this is what I do? I can't be making mistakes like this, at all. Am I going crazy, how could I forget to load the groceries?
All of these things going through my mind. Indeed I was stressed.
I reached my turn at the courtesy desk and began to stammer while I choked back tears and explain what I had just done, I asked if anyone had turned in our groceries.
Just then, a woman who worked for Wal-Mart walked up and was pushing the basket that held all of my groceries. Oh my Lord, Thank You Jesus!
Lucky me!!
The woman thought someone was kidnapped, she couldn't figure out why the groceries were there in the middle of the parking lot.
It was just me, a stressed out mother, who was so very grateful to feed her children that night.