Hello There....my old friend

 Here I am. I am here. I took a memoir writing class with Father Nathan Monk yesterday. I was given a scholarship. So very grateful for that. 

Do not look at how long it has been since my last blog and how long in between each blog. Don't you do it! Okay, do it. Read them and see where I was at about my funny, inconsistent writing habits, and how I still struggle to this day. I have paper notes all over, but nothing here. I am working on discipline now that my brain has managed to heal a bit. My life is not as chaotic as it once was and it looks very different than it did since the last blog I published.  That will be part of the story that unfolds here, on this kickass blog  I abandoned to collect digital dust bunnies!! I still have the mug, I am actually drinking out of it right now as we speak. It has been with me longer than this blog existed. 

The name of this blog is "I Have A Blackbelt And Argyle Socks" means I will kick your ass with my body, mind and soul. It's what is printed on my trusty cawffee mug that I bought from Good Will in Spring Branch when in existed on Hammerly in the Kroger parking lot, back when my eldest was in a stroller. They are 20 years old now!

I am banned from Facebook for 30 days, someone had to take away the keys. lol In the meantime I am having so much fun figuring out new technology at Instagram. It's fun, and apparently my friends left fb for ig long ago! Looking forward to making it my bitch and use to my advantage for business, etc...

I have been in therapy twice a month for over a year now and finally to the point that I can handle purging these experiences out of my heart & brain and make it over the hill in my healing process.

What else has been going on? Oh yea, a pandemic. We are in the center of a global infectious disease pandemic. It's called the covid. The rona. JK. It's the Coronavirus. Covid-19. It's actually kind of a big deal.

that's all she wrote...be back soon!

New Post

Here I am! Just thought I would type up on a topic so I could get my writing in for the week, I haven't done my daily doses as I planned, not surprising though! ha. So today I will discuss a little bit of how hard it is to care for an aging mother and being an only child.

I am an only child, God did this on purpose for his own reasons, I may not think it's fair, but I have to deal with that. My Mom is 71. She had me when she was 36. I am 35. On my next birthday I will be half of her age. Or really, I'll just be as old as she was when she had me.
So, as I mentioned, she is 71. Which is aging, but not so "old".  My Mom has some mental issues or come to find out, maybe not mental issues, but a form of asperger's (need to check my spelling here) . She is a high functioning autistic person. If  I knew this a long time ago, maybe I could have dealt with a lot of things differently. I didn't even know what autism was until I became a preschool teacher and one of my students was diagnosed. Well, my students dx was discovered about 25 years after becoming my mothers daughter.

All along doctors said my Mom was bi-polar. Grandma told me close to when she dies that she was not entirely convinced that my mom, her child was mentally ill. She thought maybe she was autistic. I am so glad she opened her mouth and said that before she died or I would go to my grave thinking my Mom was something she was not. This was about 5 years ago. (more to the story) My Mom makes me Cookoo crazy!!! She has been living with us for the past 12 years. I was pregnant with my 2nd child when I was finally able to accept the fact that my mother would never be able to hold a job or live on her own., and not be homeless under a bridge, literally. She was living in a women's shelter when we made the decision to co-habitate. I do make sure others know we co-habitate and that "we don't live with my mom" To me it's so important to make sure that others know that. I guess I care what they think too much, or I don't want to share with them the stories from a hurtful and shameful past. What do they need to know? Well, turns out they are going to know very soon. I have to share these things, for my own mental health and so my kids can know, maybe it will help someone else feel like they are not alone, or I can find someone who has been through a similar situation.  Maybe So I can make excuses for my poor and intolerant behavior.  So far I can only identify with some of the families and children of people on the show "Hoarders". But I can only watch them on TV, I wish I could talk to them in person..... Anyway, dropping this here for now so I can collect more organized thoughts before I open the can of worms.

I get distracted and I feel unorganized by expressing the timeline of these happenings, it is so compicated and multifaceted that I just don't have the time to crack open each point.

This should get my brain going....till next time.

Rainy Day

It rained all day today. Not hard, but a steady drizzle. I Had a good day at work with the little growing people/three year olds. Jesse Jr had a good day in nursery school. Emma had a long day in homeschool today, sometimes that can happen. Maya had a long 12 hour day in public with sectionals and all. Mom slept all day. Jesse Sr had a good day, he doesn't like to drive in the rain, me either. Dinner was from Wendy's. It basically sucked ,but thank you God for food to eat. I'm excited tomorrow is Thursday and I have the day off!
Our show is about to come on, Alaskan Bush People, season finale :(

Crazy Shopping Experience

Maya asked me to blog about my most crazy shopping experience. I guess that would be the time I went to the new Wal-Mart neighborhood market in Spring Branch.I just left work from the Mothers Day Out program called Growing God's Way at SWBC. I had both girls in tow, Emma was 1 and Maya was 4. We got out of the van and went in to cash my payroll check.  It was about $62.  Not bad for two days per week and having two toddlers in the program.  This was our grocery money for the next 2 weeks so I was loading up.  The two toddlers and myself went shopping.  Got out to the van, buckled everyone back up  in their car seat and headed home.
Something didn't feel right, like I left something unfinished, I had already driven about a block away when it occurred to me that I had not loaded my groceries into the van!! So I immediately busted a U-ey and sped back to the place I had parked. My stomach sank, the basket was gone!
Oh no, all of the possibilities went through my mind. Someone stole them, someone needed them more than me, someone turned them in....Oh no, I have absolutely no way of feeding my family if someone had actually taken them. Please God, help me!
I unbuckled the girls once again to go into the grocery store, in shock, holding their small hands and  praying out loud for the groceries to be returned to my family.
How could I have let this happen? Where was my mind? What was I thinking? My family is counting on me and this is what I do? I can't be making mistakes like this, at all. Am I going crazy, how could I forget to load the groceries?
All of these things going through my mind. Indeed I was stressed.
I reached my turn at the courtesy desk and began to stammer while I choked back tears and explain what I had just done, I asked if anyone had turned in our groceries.
Just then, a woman who worked for Wal-Mart walked up and was pushing the basket that held all of my groceries. Oh my Lord, Thank You Jesus!
Lucky me!!
The woman thought someone was kidnapped, she couldn't figure out why the groceries were there in the middle of the parking lot.
It was just me, a stressed out mother, who was so very grateful to feed her children that night.

Taking Attendance

SO today is almost over. Last day of the month. Pay Day. Woo bought my toddler son a tiny Elsa figurine and a Monster Truck. It was his first time really taking him to the store and letting him pick out something. The girls got Ben and Jerry's ice cream and a junk food of their choice,  cause hey, it's NYE Y'all!Enjoyed watching Emma work with clay and watching Maya  figure out what she is going to wear for the NYE countdown in :52 minutes. We always stay home for NYE. Too many drunkards on the road. We like staying alive so we stay home. Tonight the guys and grandma are passed out.Maya is sitting over there on her laptop listening to music. She has good taste in music.
The neighbors are going crazy with fireworks as usual.  Also a reason why we just stay home, we don't have to go downtown or to the horse track because we can look out the window and see a great show.  We have all been injured by fireworks so they frighten us, but we like them from a distance.
Just chatted about  leap year to Maya. lol Always funny.

anyway. I am present today. Not absent.
mothership blog: day 2

I Just Want To Say

I just want to say, Wow, this is two times in one day that I have accessed my own blog. While I am here I may as well drop a few lines to begin exercising my fingers and brain. They say it only takes 21 days for something to become a habit. I suppose I will list some future topics I wish to blog about.

I wish to work through some of the negative kinks in my personality/thinking and writing them down is supposed to be cleansing for the soul.
I'd like to make better use of my time.
I'd like to read more.
I would like to take my children on more adventures across the country.
I would like to live in a tree house in Arkansas.
Raising a Teen, Tween and Toddler and Grandma all at once.
Challenges of the sandwich Generation.
Not using a dishwasher.
Being a Christian.
Not going to church, leaving denominations behind.
Loving a supporting a diverse group of friends.
Educating toddlers folk.
Art. Creating and viewing
Home School
Exploring world religion.
Mental Illness and all that encompasses.
Cancer and care giving

Learning to sew
Grieving, do it, don't hide from it.
Stories about Grandma
Kansas

Well, these are  enough ideas for now. My girls just built the most amazing fort so I am going to go admire it, and then get ready to watch my favorite show "Alaskan Bush People"

Note to Self

I have had this blog for 6 years, I don't use it. I always say I am going to do better.  I need to do better. If I don't bang out these words and put them in a safe place then my words and thoughts will be lost forever...someday, hopefully not today, but you never know. I'd really like to leave some intellectual property behind for my children. SO here we go,  try to do this dang thang.  

There are so many things I would like to say. Where should I begin, I need a writing prompt.  Do I start with childhood memories? Memories of raising my own children., choices we have made as a family. Blessings that have rained upon us? Dreams of a simple and pure future? Struggles I have with the "church". My love for Jesus. The perils of society, my fears and anxieties? Raising my Mother, longing to help my father. Poems, experiences at work...Friendships, hobbies, desires....things that piss me off...I have so much to say!!

I do like the idea of typing it out as no one can interrupt me in the middle of speaking...I can edit before publishing.

I really need to get into the habit of connecting to my blog once a day,  I have a record of once every couple of years.  I have to work REALLY hard to make this a new habit.

I have a goal of writing (possibly illustrating) a simple book for children.. I need to mine ideas, and get in touch with what I want.

Working on me, learning and growing everyday. Live now!

So for this moment I will leave this here, pat myself on the back for taking this step and go jot down some Bible Verses to get my heartbeat back in rhythm.